Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Heaven Can Wait

Have you ever cheated the Angel of Death when he is already smiling at you, pointing at his hourglass and saying that your time is up? Well, I did and I defied him a lot of times. But awhile ago, I confronted him again and won. I guess Dude Above wants me to join his side now, eh? Is he lacking soldiers for the great Apocalypse? Does He need badly that he wanted me to die being squished by a truck? What about my corpse? Of course, I want to look good and young at my wake!

I went out of the train station and went on my usual place to ride jeeps, since I don't want to wait on that terminal devised by the pedicab drivers for their own good. And so the southbound lane was on halt, and I had to take the chance to find a good jeep to ride. So I went beyond the sidewalk, looked for a jeep that says Lealtad (that's the route of the jeep that I must ride), found one, and ran for my survival. And that's when my face-off with the Angel of Death began.

I was just about ten paces away from the jeep when the traffic enforcer gave a go signal to the southbound vehicles. Slowly, it started to accelerate so I ran towards the vehicle and reached for the metallic bars. It sped up, and I was dragged by the sudden change of pace. The final moments almost entered.

I already had the grip on the bars, but the speed had almost pulled me to the ground. So I finally gave it a shot and stepped my foot on the stepping portion of the jeep in order for me to finally be inside. But I almost tripped and slipped my foot on the pad but was backed up by my other foot. That was close, I thought, too close.

After I had my seat, I looked at the back and saw a truck behind the jeep. My heartbeat went faster and cold sweat dripped like hell. My body became numb and I wasn't able to move for seconds. Now that was really close. Just imagine when I lost my grasp on those bars and fell on the road. They might be picking up my eyeballs, guts, liver, etc. piece by piece like a roadkill being prepared as a meal for the vultures. Of course, no one wants to die with the most gruesome way.

Live fast, die young...

It was not the first time that the higher ups wanted me dead. One point in my life, I was crossing the streets when two trucks came from both sides of the road. Since I'm a carefree wanderer, I ignored the trucks and continued crossing. Suddenly, a blaze of wind came from my front and back that told me to stop moving. I saw the truck in front of me, probably a few inches away. And as to the back, I did not even give it a glance because the sound of the monstrous engines were enough to tell me that it was near.

Another event in my life when I met Death face-to-face was during our high school intramurals, and I was a senior then. The event organizer assigned me to drop the confettis on the gymnasium through the catwalk attached on the ceiling. Since it was a very exciting task to do and only a few people were allowed to go to there. So I decisively agreed and gathered the stuff that I need.

When I finally reached the place, my knees were trembling badly that I almost swooned. It was about forty to fifty feet high and a wrong step there could me into my instant demise, or worse, vegetative state. Although I was scared on high places, I was peeking below because I was looking for the signal to throw those bits of paper. Suddenly, I became thirsty and wanted to go down.

Since the main path that would lead me below was blocked by students who were assigned on throwing torches, I had no choice but to use a dangerous route: the one that would lead me on the roof of the school and then, to a secret window.

I went outside the roof through an opening and pussyfooted, because the roof was almost seven years without replacement, and it might collapse anytime. I was already on the set of roofs on the back when I noticed something: it might be impossible for me to pass there. Despite the fact that I might fall from the peak of the school helplessly, I still wagered my life. And then He came again to take me.

I moused on the translucent roof and then out of the blue, I slipped there and lost my balance. I thought, if I'm going to hit that low wall standing, I will fall for sure. So I allowed myself to slide with my back and hit the wall. Of course, my back hit first and it really hurt. However, I was safe. But I had heard that the wall was cracking, so I immediately got up and ran towards the secret window. I was safe, yet blood rushed in my head like hell.

Sometimes, an invitation from Him (whoever your him is) is sent on your front, calling you to join His side at the wrong moment. He might wanted You to join the other realm even if it is not the right time, or maybe because your time is really up, or maybe, because He played on your cards and picked a tarot card with a symbol of death in it, or worse, He lost to a gamble with Death and gave you as a prize. Whatever his reason might be, it is still up to you to give up, leave your friends and family, make the memorial services companies rich, and become worm food.

According to our professor, death is one of the two things that humans will never avoid; the other is tax. But even if it is God's will, we still are given the chance to refuse His offer and say "No Deal."  But in the end, we will all hear the an excerpt from Book of Commons being read on our burial. To ash we are made and to ash we will return. Life is too beautiful to waste away and to ugly to keep on living. So, it is like living on the 38th parallel with those Koreans on both sides fighting for their lost causes.

BTW, don't imitate those stupid bunch of emo craps who hate their lives and thought of it as a worthless and empty shell. They do not know the real essence of living. So, they're not good people at all.

Gotta go now to my bed. Good night!

Posted at 21:39 by thecurse
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Sunday, February 24, 2008
Self Revolution

I just came from a camp and I scribbled some notes in my notebook so that the ideas won't ebb away.

I've been gloomy for so long, and this is another lonely war tonight, a war within that is difficult to win, a war that has no specific beginning and no probable end, a war that might last a lifetime and this is a war between who you are and who you want to be.

Although I want to be somebody else, I simply cannot, maybe because something is barring me. And that something is who am I at this very moment. That's the worst enemy that I ever faced for about seventeen years of my existence.

On the other hand, there is another person inside me who wants to overtake my present self; play, dance, sing wildly like an animal growling for its food. But I can't. There is something that is missing in order for my inner self to be released. I want to be that person but my current self acts as a limiter that hinders my metamorphosis.

It feels like I'm stuck on two opposite wind currents; bound at a crossroad that leads to two different lives with two different endings. There was an African word in The Interpreter that refers to my current condition: stuck in the middle of two diametric rivers.

If I'm going to take one road and leave the other one untouched, what is bound to happen? Will I be able to look back and laugh? Or cry?

But, I must decide tonight. I need to end this syndrome. Like a funeral pyre that burns for the dead and a phoenix that burns from its ashes, I will be born anew. There should be no regrets and no U-turns, because I lived my life without remorse and faced the gravest consequences of my past actions. I have to make up my mind and plan my future, for I am the master and lord of my own life. My tomorrow depends on this night; before dawn. Before the gloomy rainy sky becomes grey after a night of crimson overcast, a new me will be incarnated; like an ember that is blood red when it glows and achromatic when the fire dries out.

Thanks to that camp, I realized the things that I should do. Well, that will be all for today. I still have to arrange some of those written ideas.


Posted at 23:58 by thecurse
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Friday, February 22, 2008
World Today, Gone Tomorrow

Tomorrow, a prayer vigil was bound to be celebrated in the Tan Yan Kee student center in our school. The prayers, of course, are for Lozada, the (in)famous star in this National Broadband Network scam or whatever you want to call it. I really can't see a good reason for orchestrating such a bizarre event aside from Lozada was an alumnus of the university.

My section planned to wear black and yellow ribbons as a sign of support for tomorrow's event. Well, I don't know if I'm right but black represents grief for this country and yellow for the institution.

Aside from that, I will be attending a youth congress tomorrow with the theme regarding the idea of truth. Let me guess, the center of the forums about truth will be about the President, Jun Lozada, Ben Abalos and other people involved in different fauxes pas.

I gotta go to my bed now. I still have to wake up around 5:00 A.M. because registration starts at 8:30.

Oh well, good night!

Posted at 00:03 by thecurse
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Thursday, February 21, 2008
Limbo of the Lost

If you want something, will you fight for it? Do anything for it? Wait for it come in your grasps like a sail heavily relying on gale's breath without complaining or asking why? Get it and place something at stake? Or just wait for the right time to get it?

What if you do not get it? Will you run amuck towards the barren and godforsaken road? Cultivate hate until it overpowers you? Sit on the corner and frown and mourn all day? Carry on as though nothing happened? Or just wait for the right time to get it?

Actually, I had the chance to get something that I really wanted for a very long time; something that is precious, rare, priceless when acquired.

But, it ran away like sand from my prehending hands. And the sun, the setting sun, enveloped me with the soft vermillion light...

Will I have another chance to get it?

Posted at 03:23 by thecurse
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Monday, February 18, 2008
This Is New Shit

Awhile ago, I was browsing through the main tagboard and saw this guy. I went to his blog and saw that he's a newbie, just like me. The only difference is that I am months ahead of him. After all, I'm still a n00b. LOL l33t ch4t!

He was asking for help, but I wasn't able to know what is his problem. But not until I went to his blog.

Actually, his problem is really difficult do decipher. It says that he doesn't know what to do.

In order to help him (since I'm a newbie with a helping heart), I gave him a comment telling him what should he do. Well honestly, the comment is just a mere set of instructions to survive blogging.

Since I've seen the comment "blog-worthy", here it is, although I added some elements to the original to make it damn good.

So, here it is:

Well, you don't need experience in blogging. What you need are ideas to write about, creative juices, patience, glasses of water because writing long entries will make you thirsty; and some blue pictures to relax your eyes when you're tired of facing the monitor. You don't have to be a PhD graduate to blog. Well, at least, you must have the control over the language, i.e. either the English language or the Bahasa (I'm not damn sure if your language is Bahasa).

Make sure that you visit others' blogs so that other bloggers will visit yours. There is a reciprocated process when you read and you write. And oh, don't forget to befriend the blogger so that he will come back when you update.

When visiting a blog, make sure that you're going to leave a trace that you were there, and that is through the tagboard. Place the link of your blog at the box above the message so that they will know where to visit you.

Dedicated and longtime bloggers have conglomerated to create a blog that is commited on helping newbies when they're lost. The link is:
These guys won't hesitate to give you a hand when you're lost.

When you write, keep on writing. Don't be afraid to speak up and stand for your opinions. This is your blog so you can post anything that you want. Although they might say something against it, they cannot change your ideas.

Don't stick with one field of interest, because it will constrict your writing style. After all, this is not a dissertation. And there are better stuff to write about that are beyond your interest. So, don't put your blog in a coffin.

As much as possible, write about everything that comes in your mind. Remember this, the greatest ideas are the ones never written on paper yet forgotten.

Although the design of the blog doesn't affect critically on attracting readers, well, it still does. There are pre-made templates that are ready for bloggers to use. Or, if you want to take a step higher, you can design your own. Check out the HelpForum for more details.

[The original comment ends here. The next ones are just added for fun, and not a fad.]

Membership on Technorati and del.ico.us can help you if you wanted more audiences to visit your blog. Technorati is a search engine specially made for blogs. It can help your blog to be known beyond the BD community.

A blog can be related to a tacos; the more toppings it has, the better it is. Well, you can add something in your blog like flash games, videos, songs, hit counters, photo galleries, and links to your other blogs or something that interests you most. Remember that a plain blog is a boring one. Readers will just ditch yours if there is nothing noteworthy about it.

However, it is not advisable to embed many apps (abbreviation for applications) on your blog. This can cause your page to load slowly, and you will piss off the readers. Actually, there's one on my page, and that is the script that shows my last ten entries. Well, even if that slows the loading time, I find it useful so I do not remove it.

Well, as of now, that's all that I can say. If you want better and more tips, you must consult professional and longtime bloggers. Most of them here on BD are subscribers. And they won't let you down.

That's it for now. I still have to memorize the locations of the countries in Europe and Asia.


Posted at 18:55 by thecurse
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Sunday, February 17, 2008
Days of the Week

Who created weekends? He sucks, honestly. It's so boring.

Posted at 18:51 by thecurse
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Saturday, February 16, 2008
Picture Perfect, Pathetic

This blog could've been more aesthetically pleasing if an appropriate header is placed there. Those banners from my band doesn't fit the color scheme. Well, I'll be working on the temporary banner (since the layout is also temporary) and try to be more artistic. Only, without that hiatus stuff.

Good night!

Posted at 03:26 by thecurse
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Friday, February 15, 2008
Waiting Four Years

I have a former classmate, as well as a brother (since I call my true friends as brothers, because they are my family), a confidant, an advisor, a drummer, a partner-in-crime, a master, a band-mate (a drummer), a rival, and of course, a damn good friend. Actually, there's nothing special about him aside from his drumming skills, except for one thing.

It was Valentine's Day yesterday, and as usual, it felt like nothing; nothing at all. But, it's already a normal case for me. Well, when I was aboard the train, I was thinking about what love really is about. You see, it is represented by different signs like flowers and razorwires, poems, chocolates, etc. but none of them really fitted my idea of what love is.

I watched those lovers fondled inside the train; giving romantic looks, exchanging sweet nothings, holding hands as if they're bonded with superglue, and standing back to back with love played in super slow motion. I just observed them and learned what their manifestation of love is.

When I alighted the train, a very romantic scene filled me with awe. I saw two elders, probably a married couple, assiting each other as they went down the stairs on the overpass. After all those years, perhaps, they have learned what true love is all about.

I watched how the city lights played with the hideous and overcast night as I rode the vehicle. They gently envelope the thin and smoggy air with radiance that makes the night more hideous yet calmer. I went at the back of my mind and tried to redeem myself from this unnamed feeling.

After I came home, I dropped on the couch and thought that there is no place better than home. Mom said that I looked like a broke businessman because I was leaning there too much. And then, I looked somewhere else to divert my attention into something else. What caught my attention was a rotogravure portrait of a couple on their wedding gown and coat. And the couple on the picture are my parents. But I remembered something that placed a frown on my face: I am a child of a broken family. Actually, I do feel neither sympathy nor apathy for my parents, because I think they did a wise decision. Because it is better for a sniper to be without his spotter than waking up in the morning and after opening your eyes, you will see the greatest mistake you've done in your life.

Because I was feeling so wasted, I went inside my room and lay on my bed. That time, there was something on my mind but I could not pinpoint what exactly it is. So I tossed and turned but that was not Tainted Love. It felt like a word was at the tip of my tongue but I could not see it.

Because of the mixture of an unknown feeling, frustration, wasted-ness, and other strange sensations inside, I just decided to go to the computer (my artificial friend) and do something. Suddenly, my friend (as well as my brother), Kenjiro, called me and asked about how did my V-Day go. I remembered something, something that came up abruptly and without warning. At last, the memories returned, and slowly, a sinister grin came from my face. So, it was all about my friend who was described on the first paragraph.

Actually, that something special about my friend is his relationship with her girlfriend that lasted for four years, and their anniversary is bound to be today, their fourth anniversary. That guy really amazed me, because he is one of a kind.

I've seen it all; starting from courtship, first days that turned into months, different gifts, gigs, their maturity and up until now. It all began in high school, and I have this idea that a romance formed in high school will fall down easily. But he proved me wrong. Moreover, there was something into them that other couples do not possess, and that is probably their secret formula.

I guess, he is also a good example on what is the physical manifestation of what love is all about. His love towards her is inexhaustible, persevering, selfless, and awe-inspiring. It almost appeared to me as an agape. He is a good model to those guys who are willing to give almost everything for the sake of the beloved.

I know that this is a late reaction for the Valentine's but it's better than nothing at all. Since I had no romantic affairs during that day, it's better to be a mere observer in this fast-paced world, because you do not need to be in the scene just to learn it.

In the long run, I wasn't able to understand what love really meant. Even if I have seen my idea of what it is about, I failed to define it. Is it really impossible for a man to uncover the oblivious meaning of love? Or are we looking too far and searching for arguments despite the fact that the answer is actually cognizable by simply observing it per se? The answers? I do not know. Perhaps, in time, we will know. And probably, in the end, where all the answers are. But who knows? A self-proclaimed god may descend from the clouds and teach us what the hell is it all about.

Posted at 21:41 by thecurse
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The High Cost of Playing God

Hey there! I'll be back into business now, even if the layout is still under construction. I really missed blogging, and it's kinda disappointing to let some ideas go without even putting them into paper. Damn, thanks to that Photoshop, my not-so-creative juices were diverted on doing such images. Well, at least, I've learned something new.

The reason why I returned in a premature time is because I must not let this idea slip away from my mind. It just really makes me sick to see those people who might be connected to Marshall Applewhite, Jim Jones, Napoleon Bonaparte, and of course, to our very own Mike "the bankrupt businessman turned multimillionaire pastor" Velarde. Heck, I wonder how do their VMAT2 gene malfunctioned?

They seem to be everywhere; voices on radio, faces on television sets, prints, and even on this damn internet. I thought that this is the only place where I will not see faces of such inflatable hippies. But this damn thing proved me wrong. They're all over the world.

Many people tried to play their godly roles; thinking that they could pay the price of wearing "ultra-electro-divine robes" and wave their hands to those who believe in them. But, can they really multiply the bread and feed a thousand men or change the water into wine?

Self-righteousness kills, that's what my mother reminds me. And I don't want to be incorporated with people like them, or including "him" and his stupidity. Why the hell should I name him? He's "not" a human anymore but a self-proclaimed vain god disguised in some hideous armor.

Why do so many people wanted to be a god? Didn't they learn from allegories of their pristine childhood days that humility and silence will save their stupid arses? I can still remember the parting words from our former professor, Atty. Lopez. "Little knowledge is dangerous," he said. And until now, those words are still intact in my head. And that serves as a warning signal when I'm starting to become inhuman (I think they're not humans, really) and losing my rationality.

Perhaps, my God may be sighing right now because He is disappointed with those kind of people who wanted to overthrow him from the divinest throne in the word of the metaphysical, or wherever He is. But, no god fears a mortal because he is one step higher than mere humans.

Self-apotheosis is not really a term for ascension from humanity to divinity. Rather than being deified, it suggests that one is trying to superimpose himself to the society that he is an epitome of abilities (whether innate or learned). Since people will be amazed with his circus skills, he will, most likely, will be praised and become a "cult classic" like Jack Skellington, which is the center of the "squatter emo subculture" here in the Philippines.

According to Mead, a sociologist, the self begins at privileged, central position in a person's world. Young children picture themselves as the focus of everything around them, and cannot accept the perspectives of others.

After this stage, Cooley said that as we mature per se, we start to heed the reactions of others regarding our image on their eyes. And hearing such statements, mockeries, curses and sugarcoated satires, we will learn who we are and start to adjust for the society to accept us. This is the process of adaptation for a person to survive; placing a Darwinian concept in the gist of the discourse. This is progress.

But a person like him dates back to Mead's theory of the self. He returns to his child-ish attitude of being self-centered. So if he is becoming a retrogressive person, then that makes him a retard genius. Irony, eh?

Well, it doesn't mean that he has genuine skills, he can look down on people and deprive others from imitating him. Well, that is a false god; a mere poser; a pastor who reads his bible backwards; a narcissitic walking turbine; a being zombiefied by self-righteousness; not a god.

Since I have mentioned the idea of a divine being here, one may ask if I do believe in such a thing. My answer is a yes. Well, if you're looking for an argument if God exists, sorry, I won't accept such debates. Although I don't believe on some supernatural-divine phenomena like healing water, blood-tearing statues, curing priests, and other beyond natural realm's reality, I do believe in an existence of a divine being, and that is my personal God, which is the Christian God.

Are you going to tell me that a god does not exist? Well, I'll stick on Pascal's Wager and give it a shot. He is right, for me. Because if you believe and live as if God exists, then you will be rewarded. On the other hand, if He does not exist, then you neither gain nor lose. However, if you do not believe in God and he exists, then say goodbye for you will never know paradise for good. That's my way of life, a gamble, an existence played by heads and tails.

Well, to that guy (and all of those guys who wanted to be god-like), better loosen your shiny later or you will choke on your own vomit, just like what happened to Bon Scott. However, if you really wanted to fit in a god's shoe, prepare for a war. Because you might end up fighting Zeus. Or you can go to the keyboard, play Blizzard games, and type either power overwhelming or whosyourdaddy. In that way, you can acquire your aspired divinity in a cheap way.

Well, it really feels good to go back whence I wanted to be. And a comeback entry is just like a penalty for leaving this really good place.

By the way, I changed my blog's name from Carcinogen Crush to I, the Iconoclast because I wanted to be one. What will come into your mind is the heretic movement, I bet. Well, you're wrong. I wanted to destroy because I wanted to build, and that's what my idea of iconoclasm is.

Well, hope you loved every word of this entry.


I've learned that my lineage was from Italy. My father's mother presented me some documents regaring the passes needed for immigrants to live here, similar to a Green Card in the United States. Also, she said that it is apparent in my name: my first name Dino,  is Italian in origin, and my surname, Testa, also an Italian. So, to you fake god who wanted to be worshipped by those blindfolded trulls like you, all I can say is Vaffanculo! LOL

Posted at 01:46 by thecurse
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Saturday, January 19, 2008
To Be Continued....

Okay, since I already secured myself a copy of Adobe Photoshop CS3, I will place this blog under temporary hiatus. I'll be working on the design for days or if not, weeks. But it won't take months before I finish this. It just feels like it's so sick to write in a boring blog like this. Aside from that, it's also makes me sick to be an audience in this kind of blog because it's so plain. Don't worry, I'll update this afterwards. It's impossible for me to leave this blog because it's the only stuff in this world that does not betray me.

Don't miss me, okay? I'll be back, for real.

Goodbye, for now...

Posted at 13:41 by thecurse
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